Saturday, March 31, 2007

Friday, March 30, 2007

why does it always rain on me?

name the song lyric win a cookie....tonight dale figured out he could convert rome season 1 from his zen format to my itunes format so rome season 1going back to netflix.....we then have mallrats extended ed, dogma, and dead like me season 1 coming whenever netflix gets my discs.....

sorry conserv8 is having a shit day, can i guess which family member called you?

today its kind of a bummer when i was thinking about the conundrum which is "are you obligated to like your spouces friends/vice versa?" i realized that back in the day i fucking hated some people dale hung with and was mostly (a lot) a bitch to them and then (oddly) became really good friends with one of them (until the final trip to the derby anyways).....

now i have been inundated with "so what does your husband think of...." questions....its kind of a sticky wicket because:
1. dale isnt one of those people who are all "i forbid you to see that person."
2. i can only think of one instance when a person was banned/excommunicated from our lives/home and i was fully on board with that
3. we arent the same person so the expectation that i like everyone he likes and he likes everyone i like is retarded. (case i point, i jones for Hugh Laurie, dale...not so much...)
4. i am not one of those people who asks dale for his approval on what i generally a "and here's what im doing/talking to/going to" girl...

i think this week (today) i broke on someone at work when they asked "so what does dale think of you still speaking to _____and_____." I sort of blew up in their face along the lines of "do you think i fucking have nothing better to do than sit for hours and ask my hubby what he thinks of ____ and ___? and even if he thought that they were bus people or the greatest human beings since fucking jesus or something, why does it matter? I think the person was a bit taken aback at my outburst..i may or may not apologize monday!

tomorrow: dentist 1 pm.....diabetic test early am + protime, groc. shopping

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Wednesday, March 28, 2007


so i am watching this show on my ipod called "spotlight 25." which is all about women who are 25 (no kidding) and how they are living the dream or this show is all fine and everything until they get to this women in arizona who has 2 kids and a husband and works full time. so she is running late to work and to get the kids to daycare and whatever and so what does she do? she stops for gas and chats on her cellphone and stops to get coffee before work! so then she walks into work with her coffee like 15 min late...ok if you are running behind to work, you dont get to stop at the starbucks and then waltz your ass into work late saying "hi everyone." freaking hell.

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Saturday, March 24, 2007

Monday, March 19, 2007

the long story with no end

So lately (which should be no surprise to many of my loyal followers out there) I have been dealing with a relationship breakup between two friends. Its been kind of tricky (?) because I was friends with one person 1st and then became friends with the 2nd person as a direct result of the relationship problems with the 1st person, which in and of itself is a bit queer.... not uncomfortable as far as situations go, but just queer in the fact that at any one time you can be sympathizing with person A's situation and also talking to person B about the same thing but with a different bent...Its slightly mental in the fact that you can be saying to someone "yes, I totally agree that wearing green pants was a horrible idea" and then saying to the pants wearer "I understand that it is your right to wear green pants if you want." Some days I feel like I'm talking outta both sides of my ass and hoping that you don't upset either person-because you like them both separately as people and wouldn't want to lose either as a friend.

Its led me back to remembering the two life shattering breakups in my existence, you know, the ones that really mattered-not the piddly date a guy for two weeks and then move on crap, but the date someone for years and all of a sudden it goes goat break ups. I figure that women handle break ups in the following ways: the first bad breakup, being that it is your first bad breakup you pretty much handle by going all off the rails. I have had this breakup...This breakup entails you crying for hours at a time, sleeping for 18+ a day (cause you cant be sad when you are asleep), losing massive amounts of weight (twofold, you cant eat because you are depressed and the only thing in life you can control is what and when you eat so you just don’t.... the plus is I fucking rocked the body after the heartbreak diet...ah earth shattering depression & 130 lbs or normalcy and plumpness...) you also go into the mental state of a stalker, you pretty much become obsessed with your ex, what they are doing, who with, when, how, what they wore that day blah blah blah...I remember in high school being manically obsessed with what my ex was wearing (No idea why) and went loopy loo if a new shirt appeared on him and went off the deep end trying to figure out did some new girl buy it, did his mom, can I get one just like it etc? so so lame.

Oh and dear god, the music! Every song on the radio was about you and your ex’s relationship in some minute form…To this day I am unable to hear Neil Young without being physically Ill. also certain songs by Pearl Jam, Cracker, Soul Asylum…hell basically anything from 1994-1995 I have to turn off the radio it makes me morose and I pretty much realize that whole time period was a horrible waste…. It’s amazing when you are in the middle of your self-absorption breakup phase. you can find “meaning” in fucking any song that makes you think about your ex…fucking I dunno, “Holiday in Cambodia” can make you weep…”oh we used to like Chinese food, china is close to Cambodia…oh my god I LOOOOOOOVE him” (cue crying jag).

plus then you pretty much are mandated to tell your breakup story to everyone you know, everyone you meet, over and over again without stopping, your breakup story is the Jesus prayer of your life. I have literally shoeboxes FULL of notes passed back and forth between classes to my (ex) friend Damon going over every minute detail of our (me and the ex) relationship and breakup and subsequent actions on a daily basis. If I had to read all those now, I think I would die of embarrassment. But you are rain-fucking-man about your breakup “yep, we were so happy, wapner on at 4…so happy…so happy blah”...100% of your energy is focused on this guy.....and another 100% of your energy is focused on "how we can get back together because I totally love him and we are meant for each other and will get married and have babies (please someone shoot me in the head) and and infitum."

You also spend a lot of time thinking of ways to get crappy ex boyfriend's (because he was so so crappy, how did I want to get back together with a guy that tried to beat the hell outta me?)/and everyone else’s attention...There is the mandatory "I think I may be pregnant" scare, well that only works once...then you move on to the "I am gonna kill myself" scare which is usually in the oh so subtitle form of "I cant live without you, I'm gonna slit my wrists unless we can be together etc..." this also doesn’t work more than once and will get you dumped in psychological counseling......Then you go through various attention getting phases which include, but are not limited to: wearing all black, wearing sunglasses in class, not talking, talking a lot, drinking black coffee, writing page upon page of morose Eddie Vedder poetry, taking “strategic” sick days after fights (which is to reinforce the attention getting “I'm gonna kill myself” gambit)

By this point (which is when you finally are forced into counseling) you have become sick of the story and sick of yourself. I didn’t even want to explain the whole story to the counselor because I couldn’t stand it anymore. I was explaining this to someone the other day, we were having a "bad breakups of our lives" discussion...I said that now the bad breakup story bores me to tears and having to retell the whole story makes me want to bash my head against a wall...I am so so over the don’t get me wrong..the level of my insanity from about Oct 94 through May of 95 is the stuff of legend and makes for a great retelling to a new audience....however...after about 3 years past, I realized that what I assumed was the worst breakup of my life, this person meant so much to me, I loved him so much-blah blah...was really nothing more than me throwing what amounted to the WORLDS LARGEST TEMPER TANTRUM. I was simply acting the way I did, NOT because I loved this person (which in retrospect, I really didn’t love him in a healthy way) or that he was the best man for me (he wasn’t) but because I wasn’t getting what I (Thought) I wanted. All the drama and crap I put my friends and family and hell, even him (the scumbag) through were all because I was acting like a chick on MTV's my super sweet 16 "I will hate you forever daddy if you don’t by me a Mercedes for my birthday." Spoiled and stupid. This realization took many years to come to....

I don’t feel like I could be held to blame for my actions. It’s was my first breakup and I think everyone (ok, I speak for chicks, cause Imp not a guy) reacts on emotion the 1st time it happens to you. Its because you don’t know any other way to behave and frankly, you don’t want to behave any other way but as a being of pure emotion...yer fucking Phoenix in X-Men, just a being of absolute rage and pain and god knows what else...

That experience was important for me because of two things:

1. I could handle the next breakup completely differently (because what I tried the 1st time was clearly ineffective and the def. of insanity (as we all know) is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result)

2. as a direct result of this break up I started dating dale...which I hope you would agree was a good call all around...

that being said the 2nd way you can handle a break up is: THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE OF #1..which shall be detailed tomorrow children, I’m sick and tired tonite.

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Thursday, March 15, 2007


Today was free coffee day at starbucks..'mo and I went to get a cup around 10am...good was it was free..bad was it was the Verona Blend and I dont like super strong coffee. The tourney starts today and like I said to Ryan, I fucking love the NCAA tourney and I dont even like college sports. Wish we would be able to stream the games here at work, stupid internet blocking.
I am a bit wenchy about dales computer, Ive been trying to convert movies and the damn program we are using has been hosing itself and not ripping the movies...I tried to do a movie 4 times and it hosed the I turned off Dale's computer last night and didnt realize it had his Zen attached so he was mad at me this morning. Sorry about that.....
Malinda's lice alarm turned out to be cuscus in her hair for dinner..I'm glad I bought 20.00 worth of lice crap for indian cream of wheat.

and i have 2nd degree burns on my hand from spilling my soup on it!

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Tuesday, March 13, 2007

its a sad day, but at least its warm outside..

so today I could go on a long and twisted rant about whats going on in my life....the problem is what is going on in my life is a whole lot of nuthin' (malinda still has strep, Owen bit someone, Mya has speech today, dale stayed home sick {feel better soon babe} cancer girl and poop girl didnt come to work today yadda yadda) the main "problem" is that the things going on in my life are really the things going on in 2 other friends lives....
I don't really want to get into what is up with that, or who that all is...cause its really all their business...I can say that its really hard to be friends with two people who are in the middle of a breakup...they never do movies in hollywood about the "buddies" who have to navigate the emotional mindfield of the breakup war. On the one hand, you want to be supportive to both people and not take sides (nearly impossible) or make judgements about behaviors and actions (once again, not within the realm of human possibility) and on the other hand, you do want to take a side, give a unfiltered opinion, and say "yep, you are so so right, screw that guy/girl"---its only human nature you have to want to root for someone or something, i guess...
anyways, the last time i was in a similar situation like this, we lost 5 good friends and gained a godmother for our the end of the day and knowing now what i knew then, it was the best thing ever to pick that turned out the friends we thought were true were false and that the person who was totally marginalized and treated like shit was the gem. It doesnt really relate to the current state of the world, but at least its something to keep in mind.
I think I am (like many people) a firm believer in experience teaching you what you need to know....the goal of your experiences are to recognize patterns in the universe, to know how to react to certain situations, and to not make the same mistakes again and to help others avoid the same pitfalls you fell into..
I guess the main problem I have today (which has been a problem for weeks now) is that because i've BTDT I can see the patterns and predict with alarming and depressing accuracy whats going to happen next. Its odd because on the one hand you can say to someone "oh so you are at THIS step in your process...well lucky you, you have THIS crap to look forward to next" or "i really wouldnt do that, its gonna come back to bite you in the ass" but on the other hand, you totally dont want to say that, because you dont want to impact their decision making by suggesting something that may be a self fullfilling prophescy and inevitable....You can't save people from their decisions...and it doesnt matter if you tell them, that i have been there, I so understand and I can tell you that if you do this, you will hate yourself 2-3-4 years down the road...then you are supressing someone elses learning just sucks overall because I think most human beings have a natural need to spare their loved ones pain. Its why if we could as parents, we'd wrap out kids up in cotton batting for the 1st 18 years of their lives to protect them from the world....right now there are a few people out there that I wish i could place in deep freeze and move them forward a few years and just bypass the angish and pain and etc...that seems to be coming their ways...
sigh.....anyways, you guys out there (and i know you will eventually read this) be good to yourselves right know I feel greatly for you both.

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Monday, March 12, 2007

lame ass exuses

So how many people were late to your work today because of the excuse "oh, i forgot to set my clocks ahead." This is the biggest bullshit excuse ever. As Tom said "so you went through a whole frickin day yesterday wondering why your TV shows were all messed up? Do you live under a rock?" Methinks people need to stop drinking themselves blotto everyday and use the fact that "yeah, im late because I am an alcoholic" instead, at least thats honest AND since you are an alcoholic you have a disease and they can't fire you or else they are discriminating against you...
Also not in today, cancer lady...excuse? Its a day that ends in "y." Seriously, its gone beyond pathetic to expected. I expect her to not be in every day. This month she has been here 3 days... only 15 more working days to your bets....I got 8 days total she will be in this month...
Thanks to Andrea for that new lip gloss, its da bomb....and I am not a lip gloss girl..suddenly I am addicted. Expect a care package down there soon from me....
It was slightly funny, when i told the backup receptionist that I will take my coworkers calls (as per usual) she said "doesnt she ever come to work? why dont they fire her already?" This provided me with a chuckle and I said "why would they fire her?" and walked away. Its odd, they fire people here for the smallest thing, the stupidest reason....or for no reason at all....or because they need to send a "message" to everyone else (which never seems to give much more than, "why did they fire that guy?")

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Saturday, March 10, 2007

for sale: 2 girls, cheep, inquire within





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Friday, March 09, 2007

friday hurts my jaw

root canals do not hurt...they numb ya up (im still numb 5 hours later) and give ya the gas (which i think would make everyone really happy if we could suck that down all day) and all, but now i cant really open my mouth and i think i keep biting my cheek...i dunno...i have a feeling the pain will start soon...i feel slightly shitty so i am not even going to my twins club meeting tonight.....blah..

hi to andrea as she flys back to atlanta from her week long vay-k up here in the north...thanks again for dinner....

hi also to ryan...hope you have a nice weekend, seriously, try the zoo down there...

anyways...this weekend i am working a bit tomorrow am....we are heading to the zoo ourselves, i have to hit oconomowoc a bit for some cross stitch stuff and i know i need to clean.

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Wednesday, March 07, 2007

happy hump day!

So good news about my coworker, Wendy...her surgery went good, she is off her ventilator and she should be up and walking around perhaps as soon as tomorrow. So anyone that wants to send good thoughts Wendy's way, that would be nice...Thankfully they also got a temp in to help do her job...since Wendy and one other guy are our only skip tracers, they are, and this is putting in lightly, unbelievably overwhelmed.
Today I have to drive into Menomonee Falls to get the girls, here is hoping they took a nap today. Tonight I am at a loss for dinner. Last night we made do with random left overs, which seemed to work OK...tonight I may hit the store after work and get some Tilapia and make baked fish packets..But thats only if I feel really may end up a Spagetti O's + more random left overs just never know.
Watched Gilmore Girls (and I think by now I'm just watching because I have been doing that for 8 yrs) and House. House just kicked ass...Besides the fact that I have a jones for Hugh Laurie and a fundemental dislike of Dave Matthews...that all canceled itself out as it was just a wonderfully written episode. I can't believe they pull it for American Freaking Idol. I also caught that show last night, man do those guys suck.
I have been watching faithfully my Nero Wolfe episodes while here at work...its unreal how easy it is to work and watch TV at the same time. I feel I perfected this art while working at home for do I miss working from home. I do have nice fresh daffodils on my desk thanks to some cancer fundraiser or something, so thats a plus...except they don't smell especially good, but the yellow has been cheering me up so I can state that I am a happier person today than I was yesterday, thats something I guess.

I'm trying to make Andrea a mix CD she asked for...but I said I was in a sad/mellow music mode and didnt want to bring her down (man). But since she gave the OK I have been realizing that even though I have 5000 songs on the ipod, i'd say 4500 of them are depressing with only 250 happy songs and the rest is just kids music. No wonder I am in a shit mood if all I listen to is depressing crap. I keep looking around for my notebook filled with Eddie Vedder poetry in my tastefully distressed backpack...Hopefully I can find 18 songs and put them on CD before I see her tomorrow for sushi. (which no matter how good it is, won't be as amazing as Nobu or Morrimoto's)
Hi to Ryan...sorry I havent talked with you much this week....hope work has been bearable.

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Tuesday, March 06, 2007

crabtackular day

So last night I had one of those eff'd up dreams where you dream about someone you havent seen in years and you wake up really disturbed for dreaming about them in the first place. In this case it was a former friend who I dont think I have spoken to in over 5 years or so. It was disturbing becase he was so very pissed off at me in the dream and I remember being really afraid for myself in the dream and waking up all disoriented. Bah, its going to screw with my whole day.
On an even more disturbing note, a girl I work with (and like a lot) was rushed to the hospital Monday. She tore her aorta (!) and was in emergency surgery for 8 1/2 hours and then knocked out for 12 hours....we have not heard yet if she is doing ok (although we know she is still alive) or what the prognosis is. Its unbelieveable! I guess her mother told Sally that this happening is one of those things where if she had waited another hour or two to get to the hospital she would have dropped dead. That is just unreal. This brings up my other coworker who was out of work for 3 weeks because she bruised her leg and it hurt. I am not making this up. I got to see said bruise yesterday and although I didnt say anything to her face, I thought to myself, I have worse bruises on my body NOW from living daily life and having really thin blood and being really accident prone. Hell, the bruise I had on my leg from dropping the case of water on it was worse than what this person has now (my leg still hurts a month and a half later from that one). Now I came to work and sat on my ass doing my job with my boo-boo leg, somehow coworker of the year couldnt come to work (but god knows she could go to the bar every night for 6+ hours and drink...and go to concerts....and parties...) because her leg hurt. It boggles the mind. What boggles it even more, she came back after 3 weeks of being off WITH NO DOCTORS EXCUSE! Can you believe that? Does it cause you to see fractals and dots before your eyes? I certainly feel like I must be trippin on LSD. My god. (and of course she is running "late" this morning and called in to let us know that....thanks.)
Since I seem to be on a pissy rant, inaction and passing the buck-isms are also driving me up crazy creek this past week or so. It boggles my mind how many people try to pass the responsibility for decisions off to someone else so that they dont have to own up to anything. It's beyond frustrating when you have a person or a group that just wants to sit on their hands and look at you with that nice open and vague expression waiting for you to say "yes, I think you should wear the red dress...mmm hmnm, fantastic choice." Then 10 minutes later you get reamed out because "wasnt it obvious to you that the blue dress was the right answer?" well what the frak? If you knew the answer, why didnt you just do it yourself and not involve me in your process. Or what is even better is when you have two people playing off of you to get the other person to budge. "Oh well Mary said that we should just delete all those codes." then "Well didnt you say we should do that? I mean, it was obvious to me that deleting those was a really bad idea, but....since you said we should..." Christ, I could just pound my head into the sand...You either have to listen to someones idea or someones advise and let the chips fall where they may, or you have to shit or get off the pot and make your own decision-then freaking tell me what you decided. It would be nice if, somedays, the whole world could grow up and act their ages for once.

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Friday, March 02, 2007

hooray trish!

This is my beautiful Yoga teacher Trish and her cute husband John doing Yoga on the cover of M magazine. Rock on Trish!
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so I have been watching the 1st season of Extras on my Ipod while I'm slogging away at work...Man do I love that brittsh comedy. I have been laughing so hard here at my desk that my coworkers are asking what's so funny...Now I switched over to "Chasing Amy" (also NSFW because of the laugh-out-loudy-ness) and then some Nero Wolfe episodes. This week has been pretty draining, it's done nothing but snow, then yesterday snow + rain...this morning it was impossible to shovel because the ice was under the snow and what you didnt slip on, you couldnt was pretty nightmareish.
The car (mine) is at my wheel guy today. Getting new bearing in wheel (there goes 300.00 down the tube) and the tires rotated. Tomorrow is all about the cat going to the vet and an oil change for the other car...I'm also thinking we should maybe it a movie with the kids? Then again, Andrea just emailed me and thinks we can hang out tomorrow...I may do that, no idea what or when...
The bummer now is that they have blocked Myspace from work so we can't even look at it...which slightly sucks because its a totally good site for skip tracking moronic debtors who post where they work and how much they make on their page...oh well...I heard that they fired a girl from here who all she did was chat on IM with her friends...and they wondered why they were so far behind over there.
This weekend I think I am getting more Nero Wolfe from netflix....I will most likely spend most of Saturday converting for my ipod....

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