Monday, December 15, 2008

why i hate christmas

1. decorating. I have to take a full day off work to put all this stuff up around and outside my house. does anyone help, no. can anyone help, no. then 30 days later, it all comes down and i have to put the stuff i took down to put the stuff up, back up.

2. storage. i have NO storage in my house, zero. we have a bi-level. that means, no basement. all the extra space in my house is used to store the christmas shit. tree, bins of crap, wrapping paper, 87 different kinds of garland.

3. endless family functions. i love my family, on each side. they are all wonderful and good and very very nice. the problem is that by jan 1st, i have had at least 5 christmases. this is, i will admit, partially my fault.. after the disasterous "3 christmases in one day" of 2005 where by the last christmas of the day my girls were THROWING presents at my dad to OPENOPENOPENNOWNOWFASTFASTMOREMOREMOREMORE. and screaming and crying as they were, overtired, overstimulated, overexausted and chrismas overload. i decided "THERE SHALL BE NO MORE THAN ONE CHRISTMAS PER DAY." so this means my schedule is usually as follows:

work christmas party (which I plan)

twins christmas party (which i cook for and bring presents to, and scream at the kids not to wrestle with the other kids and please dont stand on that there and dont step on the baby twinlets crawling around)

christmas eve with my parents, which may or may not include my extended moms side of the family (which is better if it does since my cousins are awesome and this means i dont have to have a separate "that side" of the family christmas) but i could have one so we will throw in:

that side xmas

christmas day with dales family (fun and relaxed with a good breakfast/brunch, its mostly the highlight of the season since its only the few of us)

opening presents at our house (somewhere this happens in between all this and this year we get mr bear, so thats a plus)

baumer family xmas-not too stressful, but we drive to whitewater and there are something like 1982726 people all crammed in aunt margies small house and with all the second cousins (ages 9 to 3 ish and i think there are 4547 of them) it gets a bit cramped, at least if its warm we can send the kids out in the back 40 to run around with the dogs and horses.

then there are random work potlucks, possible dale work functions and 6 days later? owens birthday.

by about this time, i start to hate christmas.

4. gifts. I shop all year, we have approx., 209298298732 people to buy for, and about 232632987 people i feel i should get something small for (neighbors, friends of friends, my 287987391273192743 family members) and its important for the kids they have an EVEN number of presents between them-plus owen has a birthday 6 days later which means even more gifts. i am wrapped out, bowed out, shopped out and broke. plus now that the kids are actually aware of TV and commercials I am innundated with the "iwantthat" over and over and i actually have to buy crap for st nicks-which is fine because we did the "here are new crayons and glue sticks for school" which made them happy but that will only work, at most, another 2 years, then i get into the "i better get _____ since _____ in my class got ____and you must hate me."

5. christmas carols/songs. i love christmas carols. i love christmas songs. i do not like them since oct 31 non stop on 99.1 wmyx. after 2 months of the little drummer boy and that retarded song about a kid who wanted shoes for his dying mom. I WANT TO DIE.

6. Christmas cards. i get mine done before thanksgiving. they sit in a box till dec 1 and then i mail, every year i forget like 5 people and have to dig through all the mostly empty xmas stuff boxes to find the remaining cards and send them out to people i forget. its not a reason to hate christmas per se, it just annoys me to have to dig through boxes.

7. "that house is better." this is according to my kids. this grandma is the better grandma. "why?" she gives us gum and has fun toys. "well what about your other grandma?" she always gives us clothes. so i get to explain how each grandma doesnt have to give anyone anything at all if we are going to complain.

8. the santa threat. "be good or santa wont bring you anything." it doesnt work, its never worked and yet i find my self saying it at least 10 times a day.

no more christmas. can we just skip it and move right towards groundhog day?

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